breaking points

 All have breaking points. That point in time where we are stretched so thin, so tight, so tense that the very concept of breathing has become a new phenomenon.  We keep on functioning in a state of utter exhaustion and chaos that it becomes normal and what is really normal is simply a vague memory. We pick up our feet and keep moving forward, and when I say pick up our feet, I mean wearily trudge through life praying "God let there be an end, because if this continues in the after life, I rather skip the after life all together and just be allowed to sleep."
Yet, in the midst of all that subconscious chatter we convince ourselves we're ok. Our worlds are crashing in a cacophony of unrest, but as long as I have  (insert pitiful rationalization) under control, I'm fine. We hold on tightly, suffocating the life of that one think of sustaining us. The thing letting us know it's ok. Like a small child gripping a teddy bear, choking the neck until the seam has frayed, the stuffing fallen out, and even that one dash of hope has been made a mess. We cling to meaningless things, a coping mechanism that when ashes hit ashes and dust hits dust can only lead to ruin.
A chaotic type-a misery seeing her world fall apart in hysteria, "but at least I've got my body." Ten pound gain hits the scales. Life unravels. Hopelessness invades. Prevails. Conquered. Defeated.
Only at our breaking point do we come to the realization of how futile are the things we put our hope in. Letting tears run down our cheeks, releasing the  squeched ability to feel and recognizing what we' ve put our trust in. Grieving the loss of something naturally good, we are forced into surrender and discover the inner cravings of our soul, neglected, starving, and pushed to the side for something that can never fulfill.
At our breaking point we recognize the true hopelessness of ourselves and a hope in a salvation that comes from something greater. So as we release we no longer have to cling, because we are embraced and empowered to rise again. Overcome the obstacles and take back our lives. Out of the wreckage we draw pearls of wisdom and a strength we did not know we possessed.
Indeed, breaking points are beautiful things if we let them be. 

Pferrneuse

O my gosh! So I love downton abbey yesterday I made some ccookies straight from the mansion. About a week ago Sue came into the bou and said "I've been baking cookies all day, and sweetie, you need to try these."

Pferrneuse
definitely my new favorite cookie.
Spicy with anise and molasses.  Scrumptious i
s how I would describe them.



Ingredients needed to make Pfeffernusse (amount depends on size):

1/4 cup shortening
1/2 cup molasses
1/4 cup butter
2 eggs
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
4 cups flour
1 tsp. ground allspice
1 tsp. ground ginger
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. crushed anise seeds
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
Powdered sugar for dredging (coating)
Steps:

Pre-heat your oven to 325 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone sheet.
Into a mixer with the paddle attachment, beat the shortening, molasses, butter, eggs, sugar and brown sugar until light and creamy, about 5 minutes.
In large bowl, whisk the flour and the remaining ingredients, except the powdered sugar, until combined.
Add the flour mixture to the butter and beat until a stiff dough forms.
Chill the dough 1 hour.
Using a small cookie scoop, scoop out portions of the dough and place them on the prepared baking sheet.
Place into the oven and bake 15 minutes.
Remove from the oven and let cool on a rack.
Once cooled, dredge (coat) the Pfeffernusse in powdered sugar.

dying to live

If anyone is to hold on to his life he will lose it, but if anyone would give up his life for my sake will find it. --Matthew 6:25

 Live in a worls seeking life...seeking hope, joy, peace, and love...
They hourly work week has sky rocketed. Seeking fulfillment that can be found in a store, we run ourselves to the ground in burnout, and for whatm...most people I know spend their weekly earnings getting smashed so they can forget the hellofa week they had. Ah isn't that the life? And if it isn't booze, it's food, movies, the latest samsung x galaxy phone...we want more and more and more, because at the end of the day we are searching for fulfillment, but are lost clinging to a less than satisfactory means to satisfy a craving for life...we're We're all looking for something. Me especially, trying to navigate through thi a cloud of fog my friends have begun to call my life. It has become clear I am in need of some serious direction..maybe even intervention...
and as I sit here pondering the meaning of my life I look to Ruth. Moabite. Foreigner.  Reject. Widow. The whole gammot of purposelessness fits her description. In a man's world where your worth is determined by the value of your husband, if you don't have a husband, you're screwed, and that's where we find our girl. The one strand of hope she has is a mother-in-law blessing her to go home and get herself a man. Go get yourself a purpose and let your life begin. How often do I feel this. Go out and do something. Find your point in living. Discover what you want and life and do it.
And this is ruth's response...
"I will not leave yoy. Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God."
Embracing a widow's curse, she clung to death, a life of lost purpose.
And how does the story end?
Her value was restored. Her worth tripled. The salvation of the world was birthed from her womb. Her blood flowed through kings.
And I'm left to wonder, all these things to which I've been clinging, what would it mean to let go? To let the purpose I thought I had be put to death and embrace a new horizon?

Papa, I am so prone to become distracted by the things this world values. Reveal to me the life I'm dlstriving for that needs to die so that I may truly grasp the meaning of life abundant.  

relying on innocence

Question of the day: where is your hope?
So much in this walk of life I find myself striving, slowly dying,as I press on in the self-righteous pursuit of perfection.
Living right. . Being kind. Only speaking the nice things that pop into my mind and the other...? Taking them captive, of course.
Then a fall. As my my mother's mother, and her mother, all the way down the generation.  A fatal plague to haunt humanity.
My mouth a flickering flame that dare consume the f forest.  Destruction is reaped in itspath and I'm left to greive my long-lost sense of holiness. I'm gripped by the evidence that I am perfectly imperfect.
I shudder in the presence of one who is. And though these words are not original,  they are all I have in th we preaence of the Holy.
"Woe is me. My lips are unclean, and I come by it honestly.  My family, nation, people of earth are sinful and we are in ruin."
Then the one greater than I takes the coal, purges my lips, and says the words my heart yearns for. " you are forgiven.
How sweet a gift I cannot buy for myself.
To rely on myself is to miss the revelation od my salvation. Something that that can only be given and accepted in grace.
My salvation is not founded on innocence but a gift that cannot be bought.  

choices

We all have choices. 

These words of timely advice sit in my head as I wait in limbo. 

You always have a choice, and the embracing of this reality is the first step in power, empowerment for yourself and power to truly change the world.

values, beliefs, thoughts, behaviors.  

All start with a choice. 

And there I sat with a choice. 

Disregard my reason for existence or shine in the darkness as light. 

And I chose. 

I chose life. 

For how can I deny my source yet still remain living. If a branch seeks to destroy the tree does it not realize it will destroy itself.  

So I a branch submitted to the entity that is greater than I. Embracing the life, abundant life, I have been given. 

Choices.  I had one. I made it. And I chose life.

listen

 In the quiet. A still, small voice whispering my name. The tenderness of a lover. Truly the gentleness only one so enamored could hold. It's the draw of intimacy.  Something so craved by the world, yet so few beings come to find. Though some may encounter a vague shadow none may experience its purest form unless they have come in contact with the Divine.
The Divine: omniscient, all powerful, creator.
One may only be fully known when known by that which is its source.
I am fully known, for my heart has been enthralled by one greater than I. He has captivated my very being.  I am not my own.  I belong to the one who knit me together in my mother's womb. In His way I will delight
,being brought into perfection as I find myself perfected in Him.
To find intimacy is to have your name whispered so no one else can hear,but you hear and secrets are made known to yourheart.
I have intimacy with divinity.  I am known. 

St. Nick's Day

All the children snuggled in bed, stuffing slippers with presents they would find the next day. This is what people would have expected me to be doing Christmas Eve, but indeed, this was what I did last night. Sitting up late, I helped my friend cram goodies and treats into brand new slippers for her children to come from St. Nick for St. Nick's Day (Dec. 26). Though celebrated in Europe, this tradition is largely forgotten in America. However, as my friend would say, "it's nice to keep Jesus as Jesus and Santa as Santa. Sure, let's get presents and have fun celebrating one another and gift giving, but let's not pretend to be celebrating the King of Kings when we're really celebrating ourselves."
I love this idea, and loved hearing about all the happy smiles in the morning.
Happy St. Nick's Day!

O Come, Emmanuel

Emmanuel, the
savior of  the world. My soul
finds hope in divine.

Emmanuel. God with us. Those words have become near cliche in our 21st Century mindset of holiday and Christmas time. However, the power behind them is astonishing. God, becoming man. Divine, taking on flesh to show his love to the ones he created. That is the hope of the world. We are loved. We are seen. We are not alone, because One came down to where we were to give us life, love, and purpose. In becoming human, he raised humanity to divine. That is the blessed hope. We have God with us. Emmanuel.