Kopplin's

ABC Picnic

A beautifully crafted date eating fresh grapes. 

Hope increasing just knowing love makes new old places. 

Quietly restoring scarred terrain. 

Unconscious wonders eXhilarating youthful zeal. 

Finally Finished!

Turned in my Sr. Project today and this closes the last of my college career (More on this to come). However, during finals, as my focus was losing and stress did build, I wrote a couple poems. Enjoy:

Sr. Project

Splat,
My Brain
Exploded
Inside my skull,
My head hurts
Finals
Week

 

Graduation

Steadily slipping

into nostalgia as

I count down the days. 

 

Mammoth Muffins 

Mighty Mammoth Muffins 

to  match the Morning Munchies

Coffee Cravings

Coffee causes cravings

commonly correlated with cannabis

Pray for India: Day 18 (Mammoth Morning Munchies)

"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."- Zephaniah 3:17

Wow! The Lord is good. Let me give you a little glimpse into my life today. A couple weeks ago there was some really rough stuff happening at my internship. During this time, I was in my car, driving away from a fairly frustrating situation. I flipped on my radio station, and immediately started searching for some worship music. I was to the point of knowing the enemy was at work, could feel the spiritual attacks in my body, mind, emotions, and spirit. That's when I heard KTIS announce their morning coffee break giveaway. All I could think is, my office could use some encouragement, so I entered my internship cite. 

Last week, yet again another rough week again I got a call saying we won. Jesus loves me this I know, morning muffins tell me so. We arranged to have Pam and Andy, the morning hosts come in today, because we had a team meeting. This way the whole team could enjoy the encouragement. They brought coffee, Mammoth Muffins, and a gift for me. As if the coffee and muffins weren't enough, they gave me a basket full of goodies, like devotional material, CDs, and a $50 gift card to a shoe store. Here's the kicker. I really need new sandals for India, and have been praying the Lord would provide all week. He totally did. He is continually amazing me. 

22 DAYS!

Click Here to listen to the Muffin Episode!

Study Day!

Today may cause a few brain pains. I'm down at Segue Cafe having a Sr. Project Study Day. Yikes! In just about a week, school will be out for everyone. For me, school ends on Friday as I turn in this final piece of work on the Effectiveness of Safe Families for Children -Twin Cities.

As a little shout out to this oasis, be sure to catch a late night study session this Friday. Segue will be hosting finals hours from 8:30 p.m. until 1:30 a.m. Bottomless coffee will be $6, providing plenty of brain fuel to finish up those projects and papers. Hope to see you there! I won't have any papers due after Friday, but I'll be out celebrating my freedom and will probably stop by after grabbing some Glam Doll with my gals.

Good luck to all with finals through the end of this week and into next. If you're not yet in the finals zone or were lucky enough to already make it out alive, keep the rest of us in prayer. We need it. Blessings!

Study Tip of the Day: Alternate your study space. Don't study all in one place. Changing where you study is the best way to jog those cogs. So join me for some Joe!

Embroidered Beauty

Before

Rain Rain Go Away!

 Again, raise your hand (or comment, or like this post) if you think this girl needs to start a blog. This is my brother's girl friend and earlier this year I featured some Food Art she'd been displaying all over her Facebook Page.
And looks like she did it again. I don't know if I can take all the craftiness inside this girl. Super cute. She needs to start offering up some tutorials on this cuteness she's producing. Love It! Follow here on Instagram here: http://instagram.com/CHRISTY_OGAARD

Tea time

Before

Letter for the Boyfriend (That's my brother)

Flowers in Spring

Mamma Bear

So I know I should have saved this post for a couple weeks from now, but I couldn't rate, and with a low impulse control I'm not. There's a person in my life I really want to highlight. She taught me everything I know. It's my Mom, and when everyone else a couple weeks from now will be highlighting the role their Mom has played in their lives, who is actually going to read all of those? At Mother's Day, when you've read one mom blog, you've read them all. However, I actually want mine to be read, so I'm posting it now before the mama blog mania sweeps in.

This woman is too important to be drowned out by all the noise of everyone else claiming their mom is truly the best, when in fact I know their wrong.

My Mamma is a Bear.

If the decor of our living room doesn't say it all, then let me enlighten you to some other aspects that may tip you off.

She keeps her cubs in line. In high school I had a huge rebellious streak (let's be real, a part of it sometimes lingers), and she was always the one to tell me what was up. Not just me though. Of course not, and not only my siblings either. Our friends, youth group kids, the kids on her bus route. She knew what was up, and they knew it too, and she'd tell them. She'd always get us in line. And that's why we loved her. She showed she cared by guiding us out of our misguided ways.

She didn't just stop with the kiddos though. Someone's messing with her kids, she'd take you out. Still, even in college. A teacher recently failed me on a pretty major paper. She caught wind and I had to hold her back before she jumped through the phone and landed in Minneapolis ready for a brawl. That's my mom. Fix me up, and if you mess with me, she'll miss you up. Again, same goes for any of her other cubs, biological or not.

She's beautiful and strong. She does what is necessary and isn't afraid of anything. She provides for her family and has open arms to invite others in. That's what I admire about her. She's a woman with open arms, caring for the ones she loves and embracing those who need love.

That's always been her heart. For as long as I can remember someone has always been in our house, maybe for an hour, maybe for 3 months, because they needed a place to stay. Needed safety and love. She opened up our home and showed how to be real, honest, and open, and still be loved despite all the  gunk hanging out.

Taking care of those who really need it. It's her gift. It's what makes her come alive and I am so proud of my Mom. She's who I want to be. She's who I look up to and admire. She's a Mamma Bear and I'm thankful she's mine.

Pray for India: Day 17

Just a little ways to go.
Basically, if I choose to
fast the whole time I'm in
India, I have enough money.
However, i don't feel like this
is the best course of action to
take.  If I can raise $17/day for
25 days I'll be there. Final stretch.
Let's Go!

Update: 25 days to go, and this week I have been nervous than I have ever been. Anxiety has a way of sneaking in and stealing joy. Everyday it feels I am battling lies that I'm not prepared. This is not going to be a good experience. That I have ultimately been ill-equipped. Typically anxieties of a country white girl whose only real experience is a couple of weeks in Latin America during high school.

Coupled with my own internal anxieties, most of my friends are working on their Intercultural studies degrees, giving them a lot more experience and have a considerable more passion-feeders around them. If there is doubt in my mind that I really have not idea what I'm doing, hanging out with my friends demolishes them all.

In short, I'm afraid. Shutting down conversations that even remotely stir the stew of overwhelming chaos in my brain. Immediately I feel emotionally wrecked by the challenge "What if India isn't what I've dreamed?" What then?

Running around at the final weeks of school, exams causing me panic enough, I'm suddenly struck with anxiety, but don't have time to sit. Don't have time to process. Overwhelmed, I become consumed.

Finally I sit. I wait.

What if? What if? What if? Rings over and over in my mind until the wait ifs can do more than give up, because they have repeated themselves in an undue rut. Nothing else to say. No more fears to qualm. I'm done.

A deep breath. My brain empties.

Finally the space enough to hear a line of truth.

Enough.

What ifs? What ifs? What ifs? Can wear themselves into the ground. But enough. is what they have and no more.

Be still. The Lord sings. I am enough.

He consumes my anxious heart to release a calming peace. I can finally dream the dreams the Lord has to me and His words of life speak, "It will be what it is meant to be." A pinnacle. A turning point. I have been equipped for all it will expect of me. And what I may expect of it and of myself may fade. But the reality of what truly lies with in me is better than the facade of what I pretend to be. Therefore, even if nothing is what it seemed, if my plans and dreams are shown fragmented with romanticism, it's enough. It was meant to be.

I'm still nervous as all get out. I don't know what lies ahead. But whatever will be will be enough and that's enough for me to see the beauty of the reality beyond even my wildest dreams. So we'll see.

India, here I come.

Super Secret Note

Totally found this note at work tonight:

"This is a secret note...
okay...?
ok.

"So...you're pretty great...

                                          you're super sweet and good to me

                                             and I was wondering...

                                                                             do you like peanuts 

                                                                                       or cashews? 

I do. 

I also like you!

All Things New

Isaiah 43:18-19

English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK)

¹⁸ 

“Remember not the former things,

    nor consider the things of old.

¹⁹ 

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

    and rivers in the desert.

Last night I was invited to a Speak Easy in Minneapolis. (Speak Easy being a party of poets getting together to listen to their own in a secret, intimate setting. Seriously, this was an honor, and I was so blessed). On the way there my dear friend (who was the real poet in our group and the only real connection to this poetry panel) began talking about a new piece he was working on. (Because of the content, and the younger eyes I know meander my blog, I'm going to use discretion and not explicitly say what the topic was. However, if you are interested come watch him preform on Tuesday at Kieran's Pub.)

There is something I really appreciate about this friend. He is real! He is very real. Very raw. and very open about the world. Something I think more of us could deal to glean from. He uses his poetry to prod the brains, and challenge our superficial, Minnesota-nice, American culture to sit back, analyze our lives, and ask the question, 'Really?!" I don't think there's enough people willing to take on that challenge. 

We're not willing to question. We're not willing to doubt. We're not willing to sit back and wonder if everything we're doing in our lives may be wrong. However, my poet friend is and he's willing to push the rest of us too. 

Something he said that struck me as very profound was "There are many things that we all can agree are a problem. However, we are not willing to have an open, maybe even vulgar, conversation about it. Therefore, nothing ever changes and as long as we never do, nothing ever will." (This was paraphrased. However, the point is the same). 

This year I have almost religiously been reading Post Secret. Post Secret is an online blog of people's post card, filled with secrets, sent to a man to set them free. I love this page. It breaks my heart to see the distress so many of us are living in and by actually saying the truth, some how there is freedom. 

In honor of new things, here's to a new day with tasty
breakfast ofBruegger's Cinnamon Swirl Raisin Bagel,
grapes, and cafe au lait with a dash of cardamon. 

That's where it begins. It starts with the open, honest truth. It starts with noticing the junk in our lives and being real about. It starts when we stop hiding. When we release our secrets, freedom comes. Having the darkness brought to light, we are enabled to forget the former and be transformed into a glorious new creation. 

"Behold, I am doing a new thing." That is what the Lord orated through Isaiah and I still believe this to be true for us today. 

So many secrets are surrendered to the man at the end of a post office box and freedom is found. What would happen if we surrendered our secrets to a God at the end of our prayers? Could it be we may find freedom? What would happen, if the church became the body, and instead of stigmatizing and hushing those things we struggle with, we had an open conversation where we could grieve for ourselves, comfort one another, and let the Lord make us a new body? 

I think change would happen. 

Abba, 

Today I pray that you would enable your people to be vulnerable with one another. That we would not be afraid to have the open conversations that provoke change. That we would seek rawness with one another and intimacy with you that we may find ourselves in your likeness. Behold, you make all things new. May we surrender to the newness you have in store for those who surrender to you. 

Amen. 

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

Photography by Se Young Kim

It's snowing. Yes, indeed, a thick blanket of white stuff is covering the earth outside my window. Makes me think that the clouds didn't get the memo that it's the middle of April!

April showers bring May flowers. 

Not April snow drifts. 

Yet, here we are. 

And with the weather being so bipolar, consequently so am I. I wouldn't be surprised if I was the one who drove the sun to hide its face this week. With finals soon due, and my stress is en lieu. It's no wonder the sky is grim and gray. 

Thank goodness that's not the way this grace thing work. His mercies are new every morning. And his anger is only for a moment, but his favor last a lifetime. Thank goodness for the love of the Lord whose faithfulness never waivers though I may waiver. 

During finals week, my challenge to my friends is to not grow weary. Persevere. And even if things get crazy, and our attitudes begin to suck, remember labor pains always do. 

Much love!

Don't give up on Jesus!

Last year I had a professor named Allen Tennison. He is probably my favorite professor I have had through out my college career and he taught my Systematic Theology 3 class. Full of wisdom and insight, today I had the pleasure of hearing him speak again in chapel. He shared portions of his testimony, probably one of the most powerful testimonies I had ever heard (Which means you should probably keep checking  to see if you can listen to the whole sermon online). However, it was all to point to the story of Mary and Martha. Not the one we see in Luke 10 where we see Martha as the work-a-holic and Mary as the one who "gets" rest. Instead, he focused on John 11. Reads here:

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. ² It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. ³ So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” ⁴ But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Listen to the Sermon

⁵ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶ So, when he heard that Lazarus^[a] was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. ⁷ Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” ⁸ The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” ⁹ Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. ¹⁰ But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” ¹¹ After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” ¹² The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” ¹³ Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. ¹⁴ Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, ¹⁵ and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” ¹⁶ So Thomas, called the Twin,^[b] said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

I Am the Resurrection and the Life

¹⁷ Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. ¹⁸ Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles^[c] off, ¹⁹ and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. ²⁰ So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. ²¹ Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²² But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” ²³ Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” ²⁴ Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” ²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.^[d] Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, ²⁶ and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” ²⁷ She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

Jesus Weeps

²⁸ When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” ²⁹ And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. ³⁰ Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. ³¹ When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. ³² Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” ³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved^[e] in his spirit and greatly troubled. ³⁴ And he said, “Where have you laid him?”They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶ So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

Jesus Raises Lazarus

³⁸ Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it.³⁹ Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” ⁴⁰ Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” ⁴¹ So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴² I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” ⁴³ When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” ⁴⁴ The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

For too long, I feel like Martha has gotten too much of the brunt for not following her sister's example to rest. Maybe this is the inner busy-body that needs to be slain coming out in me. However, I believe if we let Martha's story end in the kitchen, we truly miss the point of why this women was included in the Bible. 

Though Martha had a bad day when Jesus came, I feel like that moment is totally redeemed in this moment. When Jesus says, "Lazarus isn't going to die," and then he dies, this is a little disheartening to the story. People's disbelief is aroused. If he were really the Son of God, the Christ, Lazarus would not have died. However, then Martha takes the stage. Martha says, "Jesus, if you would have been here, my brother would not have died. However, I know you are the Christ. I know you are the Son of God. I know that even now, you can raise my brother. If you ask the Father he will give it to you." 

Then Jesus finds Mary. Mary had been in the house, giving up like the rest, and she confronts Jesus when she sees him, saying "Jesus if you would have been here he wouldn't have died." And Jesus wept.

Then he asked to go to the grave. It was time for God's glory to be revealed, as Jesus did promise would happen. And Jesus said, "Take away the Stone." 

Martha argued, about ready to give up on this divine hour. She uses a cop out. "It smells." 

But Jesus stops her, "Hey, don't give up on me."

So they pushed back the stone. Martha was the one about to put the breaks on. In this story, there is undertones to shed light that Martha appears to have a little human authority in this situation, even if she is a woman in those times. Therefore, she makes the decisions on who sees the body and who doesn't. She makes the rules about pulling back the stone or not. 

And Martha had them roll away the stone. 

Martha didn't give up. She believed and the glory of God was revealed as Lazarus was raised from the dead. 

Little known fact: this is Jesus' last miracle before his crucifixion, and it is actually the reasoning the leaders gave for his crucifixion. Because of Lazarus resurrection, Jesus had gained so much popularity that he had to be stopped or who knew what was going to happen. Therefore, they ordered Jesus to be crucified. This is the beauty, Jesus had to be crucified and die in order to be raised back to life and complete the glory of the Father in humanity. In Lazarus' resurrection was birthed the climax of God's glory to unfold, and that never would have happened if Martha didn't roll away the stone. 

Sometimes we have situations in our lives that seem like the worst thing imaginable. I have a little brother and I can not comprehend having to put him in the grave before it was his time. There are other issues in our lives, that though maybe not as significant in comparison, still seem like the worst possible scenario. However, Jesus is calling, let my glory be revealed. Don't give up on me. This is my prayer and my aim, that I would not give up on Jesus. The totality of his glory is yet to be revealed in my life, so until it is, I will not give up. I will continue to obey. I will continue to pursue. I will continue to press in, because he is the resurrection and the life which are my only hope in eternity. Therefore, I will not give up on Jesus. 

Finals Are Here

This is in honor of my friend who is always writing poems on her blog. Love you girl.

Though the storm is fierce
we will make it out alive.
So, My Soul, Be Still.

Psalm 46:10

Jericho

Freshly falling snow;
Cleansing the struggle of Spring,
that new life breaks forth.

--

Today I'm taking a little break from my India posts, not that I'm not praying for India, or because I don't want to challenge you to do the same, but because I have hit a wall of struggle that I feel needs to be aired, that it may come tumbling down. Like Jericho, I feel I have marched around and around this wall again and again. It feels futile to keep walking. I hear the enemy holler, "Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall!" Still, there's a promise that it's coming down, and so I will keep walking until the promise has been fulfilled. 

My struggle is with intimacy. I am terrified of it on all levels. I have come to a realization that whenever I find myself in a relationship or friendship with anyone, I come to a certain point, and stick my arm out warning, "Don't come any closer." I compartmentalize my life. I know where I fit, what role I play in every friendship I have. My duty is to fulfill that role, and to prevent any further attachment to be built. When conflict arises, I take a deep breath, pull back my emotions, and cut-ties, deciding that friendships are seasonal, real relationships don't last forever, so it is better this way. This is the natural course of events. I build up walls, wearing a glassy-mask half-truth of what I'm really feeling and going through, enough to let others see the chaos of my life, but not enough so that they can see I am truly dying inside. Instead, maintaining a facade of love and compassion, I run around, going crazy, asking people how I can help them. What do they need? Thinking maybe if I keep striving to give them what they want, then maybe I will do something right and all my struggles will disappear. 

The truth? If I were to lay down that facade, a truly broken person would be seen among the chaos. A person that can barely help themselves and in running here-and-there asking "how can I help you," is really running from her own struggles and praying, "God! See me!" However, running around, forgetting to sit and listen, the only voices I hear are the lies that say "Keep trying, maybe you'll be good enough someday." "If you just do this or that maybe you can prove yourself worthy of love." Hopeless. Insecure. I wake up in the morning in anxiety, fearing people and their opinions. Going to bed, my panic sings me to sleep a lullaby of everything that I could have done wrong and the little aspects of me that may have offended someone that day. Agonizing condemnation envelopes me until I'm to the point of tears. 

But big girls don't cry. Crying is for babies, so I will hide them in the cavity of shame inside my heart, alongside the feelings of anger, sadness, weakness, and shame itself. To be anything, but happy, to be joyful is a shame and so it will sit upon the shelf inside my heart that I have boxed inside a wall saying I am strong. I will not show weakness. I will not show fear, because to show fear is to show a lack of trust and to not trust is the biggest sin of all. So I will hide, and instead of trusting with my lack of trust, I will hide behind what appears to be dependency and surrender, meanwhile building up walls, because again, relationships are seasonal. Rejection is inevitable. Friends are not forever. Therefore you cannot trust anybody. 

However, what were to happen if I were to trust? What if I were to lay down my defenses and be exposed with the truth of who I really am? What if I let my fear be known. My weakness shown along side my shame, sadness, and anger. What if I actually could cry and be seen? 

Could maybe something be broken?Could maybe I find that though I still must grow and have a long way to go, the song that sings me to sleep is peace and when I wake up is joy.? Could I maybe find that people and their opinions do not matter, because I have found security and hope in the love of my Abba, Father? 

Sitting still, listening I hear his voice saying "You are loved. I am enough, and that completes you. I see you." Putting on the love, learning how to be loved, be known with my vulnerabilities laid bare. I find that there is peace. It is okay to be me, even if me is not okay. But even in the chaos, there is peace, because I am not alone. I have laid down my walls. And I will cry. I will cry my tears, because they are a cleansing of my soul. The releasing of my built up emotions. No, crying is not just for babies. Crying is a sign of strength. It is a symbol of bravery to actually feel the human emotion in all it's capacity. To be enveloped in a sea of overwhelming hopelessness an to survive, so I will cry. 

A rest, so sweet, sweeps over me as I find my striving cease and I am okay. Surrendering to the love of the Father, I find I can surrender to others. Be open. Be broken. Be vulnerable. And they care. Receiving love and compassion, I find that I am filled with genuine care and compassion for others. A cyclical cycle, putting to death the striving to be perfect, to be brought to life in a rest that transforms to perfect love, a love that lasts. A love that is patient, kind. A love stronger than death, and thus lasts forever. I no longer hold people at an arms length, because I come to recognize that it's awkward to give an arms-length hug. Embracing that I am broken and weak. I embrace community and find myself emptied into intimacy, both with the Lord, and with others. 

We love, because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:19 

I'm not there yet. This is still a battle, but as I allow myself to be embraced by the love of the Lord and allow others to embrace me as I really am, with all my brokenness and need for growth, I'm one step closer to Jericho falling and being perfected in love. 

Victory

Victory.

The above blog spoke volumes to my life tonight. (Thank you, Jamie The Very Worst Missionary). Hearing Danielle's story reminded me of the truth I so often need to re-submerge myself in, and allow the love of the Father to take over. Through her bravery and surrender to the Lord's love, I have been inspired to persevere in fighting the current battles I'm facing and surrender to the identity I have in the Lord. Meditating on the grace of the Lord, my thoughts have all kind of come out in a series of poems:

Insecurity,
the bitter thief of my joy.
I'm ashamed of me.

The darkness of my
circumstance overshadows
the break of hope's dawn.

As I wallow in
self-pity, I almost miss
the new morning's song.

But I hear, I see,
light fall upon me to sing
a true melody.

My own beauty is
revealed that I may live in
joy and victory.

My Wounds, A Healing

I have a confession. I've been struggling. That's right. I have and I admit it. This is me being completely vulnerable with my humanity. I have been struggling with being irritable (something that is completely opposite of love), and insecurity, and feelings of hopelessness, bitterness and on top of that I feel guilty about it all. I feel like this year, I have been dealt such a glimpse of my depravity that I can barely stand it. It makes me want to shrivel up into a ball and hide from the world at times. I recognize the true wretchedness of my soul and all I can really cry out is "Help..." in a feeble whimper, seeking solace. What is it for, I think? Why can't I be better? Do better? Be more? This is when I sit and listen. 

Today I found this quote: 
If we are to mirror God, to be in God's image, to be 

like God, to invite God to indwell us so that we live 

Christ's life...we have to be willing to enter our 

individual wounds and through them the wounds of 

the community...Tears are a sign that we are 

struggling with power of one sort or another: the loss 

of ours, the entering of God's.--M. Ross

How it spoke to my heart about sanctification. Sanctification

The grinding grit, wearing my

flesh. I am made whole. 

First cup of coffee in 40 days--This is from when I broke Lent on Sunday!

Having my sins come to light is the only way that they can truly be purged. Entering into my depravity is the only way that I may truly put on grace. By seeing the tragedy of my own souls condition, I discover I am not alone and that those around me, whom I love, are in just the same predicament. I cry. I sob. I struggle, and I surrender. Tearing down walls. Revealing my need. I find I am fulfilled by not what I can do, but what the Lord has done. My imperfection given beauty. My wandering given purpose. My loss, a redemption. 

Psalm 115

King James Version (KJV)

115 Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth's sake.

² Wherefore should the heathen say, Where is now their God?
³ But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.
⁴ Their idols are silver and gold, the work of men's hands.
⁵ They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not:
⁶ They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not:
⁷ They have hands, but they handle not: feet have they, but they walk not: neither speak they through their throat.
⁸ They that make them are like unto them; so is every one that trusteth in them.
⁹ O Israel, trust thou in the Lord: he is their help and their shield.
¹⁰ O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield.
¹¹ Ye that fear the Lord, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield.
¹² The Lord hath been mindful of us: he will bless us; he will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron.
¹³ He will bless them that fear the Lord, both small and great.
¹⁴ The Lord shall increase you more and more, you and your children.
¹⁵ Ye are blessed of the Lord which made heaven and earth.
¹⁶ The heaven, even the heavens, are the Lord's: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.
¹⁷ The dead praise not the Lord, neither any that go down into silence.
¹⁸ But we will bless the Lord from this time forth and for evermore. Praise the Lord.