Sometimes I just sit and ask myself, "What am I doing with my life." I feeling like I'm just on this earth, chilling. Nothing special. For the first time in my life, I don't have a direction. I don't have a focus. I have no dream or vision!
There. I said it, and maybe now that it is out in the open it will become a little more okay. However, with this directionless, I find myself floundering. Desiring purpose. I crave it, and find myself tempted to chase after every passing thing. Desiring more. To have more. Do more. Be More. My lack of zest has lead to lack of zeal and this lack of zeal leads to insecurity...fear....anxiety...loss of identity.
Seeking identity. Realizing I have been stripped down, bare bone and soul, I realize that so many things I have found purpose in. So many things I have made my essence. My being. but in the end what were they? All passing...a chasing after the wind....And I'm shaken to the foundation. Clinging, I loose sight of who i am, and whose I am. Comparing, I grow anxious and back away, hiding from relationship...I talk my self down, not wanting to appear full of pride...desiring significance i gossip and use sarcasm. Classic. Pushing people down in order to make myself feel better about myself. Like a child.
What makes a woman? Where is that security found? In the quiet confidence that results in the ability to enter in to relationship. Walk in the knowledge off who I am and what I have to offer. To be strong enough to encourage and embrace, needing to hold nothing back. Where does this come from?
I see it. It's what I want. And when I stop and listen I know the beginning. It's in the living. In the consistent knowledge of knowing I'm never alone. To live in the presence of the almighty. Seeking him first so that I may recognize his beauty in all. To see myself as he sees me, that I may look at others through his lens as well. To know I belong, because I've been giving a room in my Father's mansion. To walk humbly in my giftings, and exercise in my calling, because it is what I was made to do. To have the conviction of my identity as a daughter of the king that I may raise us those, especially those that have nothing to give in return.
So often I run around my day, hearing, but not listening. aware, but not acknowledging the presence of the living God that abides with me. However, if I miss the source of all things, how can i bear fruit for his glory. I keep on praying for purpose. for vision. maybe this is it, to simply decide to live each day for him, living in the mindfulness of his presence, that I may know my identity in him, and bear the fruit of his power.
Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit in me,
change me and make me new. may I be like you.
May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing to you Oh Lord my God
that I may dwell in your house forever. Amen.
There. I said it, and maybe now that it is out in the open it will become a little more okay. However, with this directionless, I find myself floundering. Desiring purpose. I crave it, and find myself tempted to chase after every passing thing. Desiring more. To have more. Do more. Be More. My lack of zest has lead to lack of zeal and this lack of zeal leads to insecurity...fear....anxiety...loss of identity.
Seeking identity. Realizing I have been stripped down, bare bone and soul, I realize that so many things I have found purpose in. So many things I have made my essence. My being. but in the end what were they? All passing...a chasing after the wind....And I'm shaken to the foundation. Clinging, I loose sight of who i am, and whose I am. Comparing, I grow anxious and back away, hiding from relationship...I talk my self down, not wanting to appear full of pride...desiring significance i gossip and use sarcasm. Classic. Pushing people down in order to make myself feel better about myself. Like a child.
What makes a woman? Where is that security found? In the quiet confidence that results in the ability to enter in to relationship. Walk in the knowledge off who I am and what I have to offer. To be strong enough to encourage and embrace, needing to hold nothing back. Where does this come from?
I see it. It's what I want. And when I stop and listen I know the beginning. It's in the living. In the consistent knowledge of knowing I'm never alone. To live in the presence of the almighty. Seeking him first so that I may recognize his beauty in all. To see myself as he sees me, that I may look at others through his lens as well. To know I belong, because I've been giving a room in my Father's mansion. To walk humbly in my giftings, and exercise in my calling, because it is what I was made to do. To have the conviction of my identity as a daughter of the king that I may raise us those, especially those that have nothing to give in return.
So often I run around my day, hearing, but not listening. aware, but not acknowledging the presence of the living God that abides with me. However, if I miss the source of all things, how can i bear fruit for his glory. I keep on praying for purpose. for vision. maybe this is it, to simply decide to live each day for him, living in the mindfulness of his presence, that I may know my identity in him, and bear the fruit of his power.
Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit in me,
change me and make me new. may I be like you.
May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing to you Oh Lord my God
that I may dwell in your house forever. Amen.
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