However, cutting to the chase. It's spring cleaning time. You know, the time of year when you realize how suffocated you feel with all the things (*ahem* junk) you've accumulated through the winter and it's time to kick it out. Throw it out. Host a garage sale if you have ambition enough, or just throw it in the garbage where it belongs.
Yes, it's that's time of year, and with my parents adamant that this is the year that they are going to move, I not only had to spring clean the things in my house, but my things that are in their house. When we were at my parents for Easter, my mom pulled out three big boxes of stuff, and said "I don't care what you do with it, but it can't stay here," (paraphrased for dramatic effect).
Hence commenced the rummaging through memory lane.
I found my very first journal, from Kindergarten. That was precious, and trust me those scribbles in the pages were masterpieces. I found trophies, not only from high school contests, but that time I won the state Science Fair (Nerd Alert). Oh and everything from Missionettes (for everyone who did not grow up A/G, Christian Girl Scouts). I found scrap books and pictures, derby cars and awards. I even found my collection of Precious Moments Dolls from around the world. And that dress that I wore everyday from 6 months to 6 years.
And going through the piles I had had some memories. Good memories, hard memories, and awkward memories. But as I shuffled through the stuff I realized that it was time to let go.
We hold on to things like trophies and cards, wanting to carry them with us, because you never know. We may need them someday. And each thing becomes a token of that moment in our lives. A moment we think will serve us in the future. Not all the moments we hang on to have a totem we carry. All the same, we cling to the memories and moments. Then we hit a crossroads.
Going through my boxes, I realized that I had to choose what was really worth carrying with me? We kept all the pictures, because Valentina (that's the Chicana we're expecting in the near future) may have a good laugh someday. However, that very first journal had to go... Actually all the journals went, along with the trophies. We kept the Precious Moments collection, because I want Valentina to have some toys that reflect that beauty comes from every part of the world in every skin tone. Still, everything, whether we kept it or not, we had to take an inventory of and ask, "What is this doing for me?" And it didn't stop with the things I could see, but continued with the things I carry in my heart. Hurts, insecurities, as well as prides and ambitions.
I think we all have to find ourselves in a place where we ask ourselves, "What is this doing for me?" And if we can't find an answer that doesn't sound more like a rationalization, it's probably time to let go.
It may be petty, like a preference for how the dishes are done. Or it may be the anger found in a memory of Suzy Q who did or did not know she hurt you. It may be that time you hurt Suzy Q. Everyone has been the hero and also the villain. No one gets to be one in life without at some point being the other. It may be letting go of a friendship, or a great success that happened in high school, or it may be that dream of travelling the world.
Whatever it is, it's keeping you where you are. It's keeping you from moving forward to who you're really supposed to become. Me? I'm becoming a mom. I feel super old and a little in shock every time I have that realization, but that is a big reality of who I'm becoming and a part of what's shaping my decision on what I'm taking with me. So, I'm spring cleaning, and I'm encouraging others to do the same. Don't just clean out your house or apartment. Clean out your life, so you can really enjoy the journey in this next season.
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