India Update 6

Click here to Listen and Download "Beti" and other songs by Cindrella Prakash

My time in Kolkata is near close. I have seen many beautiful things, met some of the most amazing people on the earth, and have encountered the love of the Lord in a whole new way.

As the weeks have worn on, I must admit that I have grown tired and weak. There have been moments of sadness, loneliness, and feeling overwhelmed. In that I have been over-sensitive as well as pitching in my own dose of rudeness and feelings of grumpy. All of this, I know, are the symptoms of spiritual growing pains. However, just like physical growth, spiritual growth is exhausting. There are points when I have been led to forget who I am and even why I'm here. This is the ultimate peak of weariness.

Hanging with a group of women today during lunch, several were laying on the floor, taking a quick power nap before work started again. Myself, drained, how could I resist joining them. I stretched my body next to them atop the cool concrete and felt my heart beat. My breathing calm as we lay in rest. Still. Some of the ladies chatted softly in Bengali. One stole another's phone and was flooding it with pictures of all things random. Me? I just laid there, listened, and rested, because when you don't know the language and really have no idea what's going on, what else are you going to do?

Suddenly one of the women began to sing softly "Beti" by Cindrella Prakash, a talented and beautiful musician that came to visit us a couple weeks ago. The Hindi song sings "I am the daughter of that king who reigns over the heavens and earth...." It continues with all the names of the Father and who the Father is. One by one, all of the women joined. The melody of their voices wafting up to their Father in an essence so sweet. The moment swept over me, and I nearly cried. Hearing the proclamation "I am my Father's Daughter " The sound of women's spirits calling "Abba Father." These women have lived lives seeing darkness that most elders have never seen. They have been beat down, broken, and discouraged in ways I will never know. Yet, through the storm, the Father beckoned and now, in the calm his daughters answered.

Then a quiet whisper tugged at my heart. "I'm your Father too." And there my heart broke. Though my chaos is peace in comparison, in my own way I have felt darkness. Even in my moments of frustration in India there have been moments of war raging inside of me. Still, through all the exhaustion and emotions there was a constant call of my Father saying "You're mine."

These women and I were the same. Though I am super white and from America, and they have beautiful dark skin and are from the lovely India; though we have lived completely different lives, we are the same. As I have traveled to India, our stories have collided. Maybe for just a millisecond in time, but in that millisecond our path have combined and we have walked on the same path, being called "Daughter." We are one, and I raised my voice with their's. Though my Hindi poor and most of the words I did not understand. I know I butchered just about every syllable, but the sound was beautiful. Through our voices, our spirits were unified as Daughters of the King. I felt it, and though I'll never know, I sensed they felt it too. The woman to one side rested her hand on my back, and on the other, a sister brought her leg close to mine. My big sister came and sat across from me and grabbed my hand, joining the chorus, as we proclaimed "Papa we are yours!"

There is a certain strength that rises with the acknowledgement of being a Daughter of the King. It has a lot more to do with who the King is than who we are. It is in the understanding of who this King is that we become aware of the power we possess as his children. In the beginning where it says "Man and woman he created them in His image." That is a statement saying we are His children, bearing his likeness to the world. So if we want to gain an understanding of who we are as His children, we must first dive into the knowledge of who he is. Then and only than can we begin to see who we are, and in the knowledge of who we are all darkness flees. Fear is stripped away in the light of glory. The insecurity that leads to inferiority is diminished by the light of Love.

We are the children of God, created to bear His image. Walking in this truth we find strength and courage that casts out every weakness and fear. When we are weak, he is strong. He is perfect and so are we. In India, walking through life with my sisters, I have come to the knowledge that there is no greater calling than to be called a child of God, and he is calling each and everyone of us daily.

 Beti (Daughter) by Cindrella Prakash.

Me beti hun us Maharaja ki
(I am the daughter of that King)
Jo aasman aur dharti par raaj karta hai
(Who reigns over the heavens and the earth)
Me beti hun us Kalakar ki
(I am the daughter of that Artist)
Jo indradhanush banake mujhse vaada karta hai
(Who draws a rainbow and makes a covenant with me)
Me beti hun us shaant Yehova ki
(I am the daughter of that peaceful Jehovah)
Jo aansuon ko botal me kaid karta hai
(Who stores my tears in a bottle)
Me beti hun us namr Param Pita Ki
(I am the daughter of that gentle First Father)
Jo mujhse bahut dher saara pyaar karta hai
(Who loves me immensely)
Me beti hun pankhon ko faila kar
(I am the daughter....I spread my wings)
Me beti hun aasman ko chu kar
(I am the daughter....I touch the sky)
Aks me Khuda ka chehera dekhti hun
(I look at my reflection and see my Father's face)
Me beti hun mere Papa ki beti
(I am the daughter...my Father's daughter)
Titli jaisi khoobsurati Papa ne mujhe di
(Butterfly like beauty my Father has given me)
Mushkil pe hasne ki taakat Papa ne mujhe di
(The strength to laugh at the days to come my Father has given me)
Sangeet se mere dil ko bhara bhi Papa ne hi
(My heart is filled with music by my Father alone)
Chehere pe yeh muskurahat Papa ne mujhe di
(This smile on my face my Father has given me)
Me beti hun pankhon ko faila kar
(I am the daughter....I spread my wings)
Me beti hun aasman ko chu kar
(I am the daughter....I touch the sky)
Aks me Khuda ka chehera dekhti hun
(I look at my reflection and see my Father's face)
Me beti hun mere Papa ki beti 

(I am the daughter...my Father's daughter) 

India Update 5

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
 People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”-Sam Levenson

I feel like I'm finding recently that there is a lot of truth in this statement and it's something that is being worked into me, slowly, but surely. Most of these lessons I have learned. Maybe that's why it's so hard that in India, I am learning them all over again. 

Learning to speak words of kindness, because words can either bring life or death, blessings or cursing. There is so much power in the tongue, but we deny it. We speak words of hatred, malice, and jealousy over one another, but even more often is the temptation to speak these words over ourselves. Pointing out our flaws, picking apart our insecurities, little-by-little we convince ourselves that really we have no value at all. 

And saying only the negative, how can we begin to glimpse the positive, in ourselves, or others. All we see is failure, all we see is shame. We grow angry, bitter, hard, full of fear. We fear others, because we know if they look too close they will see the flaws we fear in ourselves. 

So we hide. We isolate. We retreat. We refuse to share what we have, who we are, our gifts, our abilities, our being, because if someone got to close, then surely they would leave. So we hoard what we have, neglecting the poor, and convincing ourselves that we must live alone. It's called independence, right? 

Being in India, I've struggled with fear. It seems like every insecurity I have struggled with in the past year has been raised to the surface to stake it's claim and I have coward. Crippled by the works of comparison, insignificance, inferiority, I have been left to feel lonely. I know! Right? In a city of about 5 million people, I have been consumed by feelings of loneliness at points. Why don't I just walk outside and remind myself that there's other people out there? 

Loneliness isn't a physical state that we can just erase by being in a group. Loneliness is the cry of the spirit. It's a call from the desert, begging for intimacy with the One who knows our every need. Wasn't it just a month ago I was in the wilderness learning this lesson? I guess some lessons can't be learned until we put them into practice. Head knowledge always must become heart knowledge before it can be proven useful. And really, how can i truly pass on any wisdom unless I have already struggled through the journey of discovering it for myself? 

I think I'm finally getting it. Though it is a lesson I am learning and relearning with each new situation and predicament that arises, I am never alone. That is the only power I really have. The fact that One is with me is what eliminates all fear, because perfect love casts out all fear. True loves waits, so I will be still and know that I am never alone. And as the fear of loneliness...inferiority...insignificance...comparison decreases...so a love stronger than any other power increases in me, allowing me to see the beauty of brokeness, allowing me to speak forth truth and life. 

Eating Mother Dairy Ice Cream with the Ladies!

I'm left to wonder, how did I ever think I could do it on my own? Because I did. I mean I tried. Going from place to place and meeting person after person, all in the name of love. But on my own, as this time has stretched onward, it's become a challenge to really love. To really pour out. Do all the right things. Say all the right things. Is that cultural blunder I just made going to super offend someone and harm the work I'm doing? Crap I am so socially awkward! It's an ever tumbling snowball effect, except I'm in Kolkata where the closest thing to a snowball is Mother Dairy Icecream. 

Fact 1: I cannot do anything alone and when I try I'll end up dying. 

Fact 2: I am never alone. 

Fact 3: The lover of my soul is much more interested in me doing things with him than for him. 

Last night I went to a Shane and Bethany Dillon Concert (Let's be real I have never listened to them States' side, so it's a little clever that their story would be used to rock my life on the other side of the world). Shane shared about when he was starting to date Bethany and all she would do was write him love songs. They didn't talk. She'd miss their phone dates, but she would write him love songs. And during this time, he realize that the songs don't matter. What we do doesn't matter, because in the end what matters is our presence. 

In to book of Amos it's even stated, "I hate all your songs. I hate what you're doing, because you refuse to be with me" (That's totally paraphrased, but you get the point). Hearing that, something in me snapped and I realized, I've kind of forgotten my First Love while I've been here. When was the last time I took time to listen? When did I actually sit in the silence and listen to a still small voice? I'm praying to hear the secrets, but if I don't stop running will I ever hear the whisper? I've forgotten the Lover of my Soul and it's shown in the loneliness. In the depths of my heart I have been crying in my brokeness, yet will not rest long enough to be filled with completion. 

Homework Buddy!

But somehow, last night I was made whole.Every song seemed to resonate. The voice of Love rang out so clear, how could I ignore? I realized I'm not alone and I never was. I just forgot to take the time to see it. In the five minutes I finally sat still, love washed over me in ways that I forgot it could. I felt like one of the little girls we've been working with this week. 

This week we have been teaching little girls dance and watching them dance is one of the beautiful revelations of Love I think I have ever seen. These little girls that have seen more darkness than most could imagine. Some have more life experience than most of the old women that I know. Being held by bondage that human love could never break it's  beautiful seeing chains fall off and light shine on their faces with each twirl. Darkness erased, a smile explodes as a daughter realizes she is a princess. There is no words that can express the beauty seen in a little girl's freedom as she discovers a new layer of Love in each new transition of the dance. 

I have fallen into transition, discovering a new layer of Love. Again, realizing I cannot give what I have not received, so how can I walk in love with these little girls if I am not walking with Love itself? 

Love enables to speak words of kindness. It empowers to see the good in people. It strengthens to share what I have with those in need. I gives the grace to be in the moment. Love is with me and I am not alone. 

I am coming back

to my First Love that I may

be changed and made new. 

The old is gone, and 

this chapter is closed. With Love

I am moving on. 

India Update 4

O Lord, You're beautiful                                                                            येशु तुमि शुन्दर
Your face is all I see                                                                                   टोमी एमी खुजी
For when Your eyes are on this child                                                           झाखन तुमि अमी देखो
Your grace abounds to me.                                                                         अनुग्रह एमी पी