What do you even say to that? All I could think was you are maybe 13 years old. Do you even know what that word means? Yet those were the words she said. She wanted my advice, and I didn't know what to tell her.
We've all felt bitterness. I know this is true. It's the gurgling overflow of anger and unforgiveness, spilling over the walls of our hearts and threatening to destroy our every day lives.
After leaving that conversation, I began to reflect. What is bitterness? And more importantly, how do I deal with it?
I kind of narrowed this broad topic down to a nutshell: All bitterness starts with a seed of anger. This anger is usually derived from pain or frustration with ourselves or others. When we let this anger build it soon begins to harden and begin to shape our choices, our motives, our values, and our very identity. We become angry with a person, because they hurt us. Or maybe, we're angry with ourselves because we didn't respond to a situation in a way we wish we would. We become overwhelmed with shame. Both of these situations lay a great frame work for bitterness, because we see the problem and it bugs us. We can't get our minds off it, and it consumes us.
An example of this takes place in every day community living. I am sharing an apartment with two of the greatest people in the world. However, one thing that can really tick me off and become a source of bitterness is cleaning. This is a chore in any living situation.However, in my living situation I have two roommates and all three of us have very different ideas on what it means to clean. This creates misunderstanding, tensions, and a lot of unsaid concerns. At the beginning of the semester this wasn't a big problem. It was easy to still see the good hearts of my roommates, and over all love living with them. However, as the semester progressed and tension grew negativity began to invade even the positive perceptions I previously possessed. It got to the point where I had a melt down almost everyday, because I was angry at one roommate or the other for one reason or another.
In retrospect I see a few lessons I could use to learn. for one, I began to dwell so heavily on the cleanliness of the apartment that I lost sight of the other aspects to my roommates that really make them great people and a joy to live with. Secondly, I never let all of the negativity build up until I could really no longer function.
Looking at this I feel like I now have an answer for that little girl in McDonald's. Bitterness is a choice. We choose our perception. We can choose to look at the positive or the negative. However, this takes practice, and when all we can see is the negative in a situation we don't always respond in the most uplifting manner. Instead, we snap, lash out, and can become very angry. At this point we have another choice. We can let our anger brew or let it go and move on.
There is a beautiful thing about mornings. They happen every day, and just like morning is the start for the new day, it is also a new start for us. It is a fresh start to our perceptions, thoughts, and feelings. It is a time where we can wipe away the old of yesterday and put on a new and clearer vision of the good the Lord has placed in this world. This also takes practice.
Being that I have mentioned two things that need practice I think I'm going to start practicing them. 1) I want to see joy in my apartment everyday. There are 20 days left in January. Therefore, it is my goal to find and document (aka photograph) something I find joyful and positive about my life everyday until the end of January. 2) I'm going to practice moving on. When I get angry often times I also take on the emotions of shame and guilt. It is so hard to give myself grace, and therefore give grace to others. I am going to practice making everyday new by praising the Lord for that spot of joy in my life and discarding the negative.
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