Instagram ring shots. Facebook engagement photos. Wedding invitations arriving in the mail. Even my own baby brother is getting married this summer. Yes. Love is in the air, and with that, the parade of blogposts strolling through my news feed on topics such as "How to love your husband," "Things to look for in dating," "Worth the wait."
Then, of course, to balance all these articles, we have a mirad of "Don't make marriage your idol," "I kissed dating goodbye," "I'm single and taking on the world," "Why wait.""Singleness is a gift." Articles for the single people out here, to remind us that our day will come, or encouraging us to be thankful that it hasn't yet, because then we can do whatever we want with nothing to tie us down.
I would just like to stop write here and say I'm so happy. Excited about all my dear friends that are engaged, married, newly married, in relationships, etc. This is exciting. It is a process the Lord uses to shape us and teach us more of who he is. On top of that it is beautiful to see people happy and committed to building family in the world. Being devoted to loving one another. If anyone knows me, they know I love love. I also think that all of the articles they post (and mind you I do read them on occasion) are insightful and it's good to pass on wisdom.
On the same note, I am single, and I would be lying if I said there is not that desire to be married. I can pretend that when i hear wedding plans there's a part of me that says "I wish that were me." And I know that there are a bundle of single girls (and guys) empathizing. And as the articles illustrate, I see two pockets that tend to form, and I am as guilty as the next for falling into each of these on numerous occasions. We have 1. Man Hunters 2. Miss Independent.
1. Man Hunters: Desiring to be in relationship, we are constantly seeking out "the one." Now I'm not saying that dating is a bad thing. Nor is there anything wrong with being open to the idea of a new relationship. But I always get concerned when I have friends that float from one relationship to the next. Or If a man shows any hint of interest is planning the wedding (I recognize I'm talking a lot about girls. Mind you I have met plenty of men in the same boat).
2. The Independents: Then there's those of us that think Well who needs a man anyway! I'll just be free. Free to pursue my life and my passions and I'm going to leave my mark on the world and no man can tell me otherwise. Sucks to be married. Then you're attached. You don't have a life of your own. This way I do what I want when I want.
I don't think either of these are healthy. Yes. Singleness is a gift. Yes. Relationships are a gift. But when we forget the gift giver...that's when we're in trouble.
I've noticed in this season of my life there is a tendency to obessess over this area. I mean, after all is there really anything else popping up on my social media? And I struggle in this limbo to find a healthy balance of embracing my singleness while staying open to relationship. It feels like a storm of inward conflict. I really am content to be single, but if someone shows interest how should I navigate that? I've been praying through it a lot and the other night it hit me that I'm focusing on the wrong thing.
My focus should be on Jesus, and him alone. He is where my identity is found.
If I am single. That is a gift and the Lord wants to use that to build me, to strengthen who I am as an individual. However, when my singleness...my independence...is a source of focus I will obsess over my career, job, putting my mark on the world....and ultimately it will lead to loneliness.
If I am in a relationship. That is a gift to mold me in showing love. To learn the art of giving and receiving grace. A course in setting boundaries. But even healthy relationships are flawed, and all individuals carry with them brokeness, so what can we expect, but dysfunction and messiness in relationships. If I am dating or married I will be failed. And if that is what I have put all my focus, my attention, direction, and obsession on...my identity....I will again be hurt and lonely.
So whether single or married, my focus should be on the Lord alone. My identity in him he is the only one that can fulfill. He puts the lonely in families. He gives purpose. And when my identity is on him that is what gives life to the singleness and gives peace to the times of deciding who I should date and figuring out if that is a person I want to marry. He gives bravery to face both unknowns.
I've been praying a lot, and I felt Papa whisper, whatever you choose I will be with you. Focus on me and me alone, I will be your answer. So I'm going to trust and walk in the freedom no matter what season he leads me in.
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