Joy of January 14: You are Loved

I am seeking direction on a lot of things. Ha! That's probably what you hear from just about any Senior student at North Central University. We're seeking direction. As our years of childhood have wrapped up, and now the awkward stage of limbo between high school and the real world comes to an end, we can be driven mad by the endless possibilities of what our future holds. I've had more than one panic attack this year. Paralyzed by my fear. I go from here to there like an angry bee trying to calm the chaos after being swatted. If I'm not an angry bee, I'm definitely a busy bee, going from source to source trying to find an answer to what's next. Is there any answer to all the questions I'm asking? I feel directionless, purposeless, senseless, and almost Godless.

Yes. I admit it. Someone has to. I feel like the source of my very being has turned a blind eye as I fall from the palm of his hand. I know this isn't true. I KNOW it, but it doesn't change how I FEEL. In this crazy, chaotic, confusion of a college senior's year, it's easy to feel lost. Alone. So I know I need to seek the Lord,
and that's what I've been doing.
For the past 40 hours I've been fasting and seeking the Lord's will. In this I have been shaken and forced to humble myself in the Lord's presents. I went into this fast seeking the Lord's will. I was seeking direction on the many daunting choices I have to make. I still don't know if I have answer to all of questions, but I do know that one message has been overwhelmingly brought to my attention: You Are Loved.
That is the sentiment I have received, and that is what I will take. The Lord sees me. He sees me all the time. He loves me, even when I don't feel him near. He hears my cry in the midst of my storm. He is Shalom. Jehovah Shalom. The peace in my storm.

For my Psalms and Wisdom Literature class I'm reading the book of Job and from what I've been gathering, the moral of the story is, God is God and I am not. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Job lost his whole family, his dreams and ambitions were crushed, and all of his possessions stolen in one day. The next day he was covered in boils. Finally, his wife cursed him, and his friends deserted him, but Job was innocent. If an innocent man can be made to suffer such great loss and still be in the palm of God's hand, how can I be out of the palm of God's hand in my minute confusion.
The Lord sees me. He knows me. He loves me. That is all I know and that is enough for now. He has opened doors, and I will be faithful with them, even if it goes beyond all reason.