Like A Tree

I think that anyone that I stay connected with, or probably mostly just follows my blog to see what's going on in my life probably notices that I end up on this page a lot. It seems to be at least once a year (sometimes multiple times a year) I end up meditating on the tree. And I notice this in myself. It used to bug me. I used to feel ashamed and insecure, until one day I heard a sermon at North Central (and I'm ashamed to admit that her name escapes me and I went to track down her name, but she no longer works at NCU) and the sermon was all about how often the Lord takes us to the same place over and over again. As we enter new stages in life we often have to venture through the same lessons, because we have to learn them in a new way.
T.S. Elliot once wrote "We must not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know it for the first time." Life is cyclical, continuing to rebirth us from on state of understanding, wisdom, and knowledge into the next. We are continually be called into the adventure of the unknown and yet being rebirthed into the same lessons we once learned, just learning them in a new way. I think that's what Paul meant when he said,
"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV). With each veil that is removed from our eyes, we discover a new depth and greatness to the Lord, and learn how to trust him in new ways. But the way we learn in each phase of glory tends to bring us to the same lessons. It may present itself differently, but the core is the same and used to strengthen us.
So what does this have to do with trees? Well, I was watching "Bones" on Netflix the other day (actually I watch this show a lot. Sometimes you just need a break during nap time). And they find this dead guy that has been wrapped inside the roots of this tree. Anyway, they go to cut down the tree to determine cause of death. And why do they do this? Because the rings on the tree will be darkest on the year it is greatly nourished (in other words, find the darkest ring, you find the year the dead guy died). Dr. Hodgens also educates the audience that the rings show you when it was a hard year. When their was a storm. (And who said TV is uneducational and will rot your brains) Yet with every year a new ring is formed, the tree is stronger, and better equipped to withstand the next season.
Like trees, with go through seasons over and over again, yet with each time a lesson is confronted, we have another ring to help us withstand. The struggle may look and feel the same, yet the truth is we are stronger and better equipped to stand during the storm.
So if you're like me and find yourself in the same place over and over, have faith, don't beat yourself up. More than likely you haven't  fallen, if you're truly seeking the Lord and your desire is to follow him, you've probably just cycled and are on your way to greater depths.

Embracing The Most Important Work

C.S. Lewis once said, "Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work." And I have loved this quote for a long time. It's easy to love this quote until you find it applies to you. Just as it was easy to love my stretch marks before I had them, so it was easy to see the work of motherhood as the greatest gift to humanity until it was my gift to give.
And now I'm here.
As I've stepped into the role of stay at home mom. It doesn't seem so glamorous, not so important. When most of my day is spent sitting feeding a baby or rocking a baby. In a culture focused on works, it's easy to find my identity in nap time. The ultimate show of my worth being what I did during that time. Did I do the laundry, the dishes, did I get a shower in? Sometimes it's the simple task. But as most life transitions, this one again has forced me to reevaluate, where is my worth found. It always seems that this is where I struggle when the season changes. I find myself stripped bare of everything I thought made me, well...Me. And then go about the work of being busy. Trying to fill my life with tasks until I break, and I'm tired, and have nothing left to give, but harsh words and stress.
That's when I have to let go and realize, I yet again have to be rebuilt
Renewed.
Fixing my foundation so that I once again come to the realization that who I am is not dependent on what I do, but whose I am.
Trees grow, not when it is summer and when their leaves are green in all their glory. But they grow when they have been stripped of their leaves and the winter storms come. That is when another ring forms around their trunk and their roots deepen.
The change of seasons grows the trees and so it is with me.
And as my season changes, so I must choose to be like a tree. To let another ring grow around my trunk and sink my roots, so that even more I will find my identity in Him and less in me.
Then I can trust that summer will come again, and somehow the lessons I learn in this time of Momhood will become a gift.
For now I'm going to have to embrace my season of autumn. Where the greatest gift I have is this baby that cuddles on my lap just to hear my heart beat. In the same way I'm going to choose to sit on my heavenly Papa's lap and listen to his heart, remembering where I come from. The laundry may get done. The bathroom may get cleaned, but in the end my most important is to sit with my Father who has called me to sit with this baby. So we're together just gonna sit tight and see where this season takes us.