My life is consistently inconsistent.
The only certainty of constancy is the Lord.
So that's what I'll hold on to.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Let the waters rise...
My life is consistently inconsistent.
The only certainty of constancy is the Lord.
So that's what I'll hold on to.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Ecclesiastes: Injustice and the Gospel
I was talking with a friend this morning about Ecclesiastes. Her church has been studying, and ironically so have I. The first few chapters are all about injustice and evil in the world. About sin, and how no matter what we do, that will never change. No matter how good we are. No matter how we best try to live our lives. There will always be evil. Then we die. That's our lives.
However, the blessed hope is that we do die someday. Only then are we released from all the injustice in the world, both inflicted on us and that which we inflict. Until then, we are saved only by having a savior willing to sit with us through the storm.
I've been struggling lately. I see so many areas in my life where I don't measure up. Where I've never measured up. And the truth of the matter is that there always will be those areas. However, there is someone who's working that out with me. It doesn't give me an excuse to keep going about in the wrong, but it empowers me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.
However, the blessed hope is that we do die someday. Only then are we released from all the injustice in the world, both inflicted on us and that which we inflict. Until then, we are saved only by having a savior willing to sit with us through the storm.
I've been struggling lately. I see so many areas in my life where I don't measure up. Where I've never measured up. And the truth of the matter is that there always will be those areas. However, there is someone who's working that out with me. It doesn't give me an excuse to keep going about in the wrong, but it empowers me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Chopped!
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| Before |
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| After |
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Ecclesiastes 1
All Is Vanity
1 The words of the Preacher,[a] the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
2 Vanity[b] of vanities, says the Preacher,
vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
3 What does man gain by all the toil
at which he toils under the sun?
4 A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains for ever.
5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down,
and hastens[c] to the place where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and goes round to the north;
round and round goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.
7 All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they flow again.
8 All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.
9 What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there a thing of which it is said,
“See, this is new”?
It has been already
in the ages before us.
11 There is no remembrance of former things,[d]
nor will there be any remembrance
of later things[e] yet to be
among those who come after.
vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
3 What does man gain by all the toil
at which he toils under the sun?
4 A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains for ever.
5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down,
and hastens[c] to the place where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and goes round to the north;
round and round goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.
7 All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they flow again.
8 All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.
9 What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there a thing of which it is said,
“See, this is new”?
It has been already
in the ages before us.
11 There is no remembrance of former things,[d]
nor will there be any remembrance
of later things[e] yet to be
among those who come after.
The Vanity of Wisdom
12 I the Preacher have been king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 And I applied my heart[f] to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 14 I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.[g]
15 What is crooked cannot be made straight,
and what is lacking cannot be counted.
and what is lacking cannot be counted.
16 I said in my heart, “I have acquired great wisdom, surpassing all who were over Jerusalem before me, and my heart has had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.” 17 And I applied my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is but a striving after wind.
18 For in much wisdom is much vexation,
and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Significance
Significance. n. The quality of being worthy of attention....
Papa, may I see my significance in you.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
In the prescence
Stillness. Sudden break
of noise to restore healing
and inner peace. Life
--Today I was challenged to sit and be made well.
It's hard for me to sit. Be alone. Anyone that has followed my journey knows this.
Even when I am still. By myself my mind was racing. However today i was deliberate.
Today I chose to simply be. I entered into the stillness of my mind. Today I found peace.
of noise to restore healing
and inner peace. Life
--Today I was challenged to sit and be made well.
It's hard for me to sit. Be alone. Anyone that has followed my journey knows this.
Even when I am still. By myself my mind was racing. However today i was deliberate.
Today I chose to simply be. I entered into the stillness of my mind. Today I found peace.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Identity piece
When I was younger I heard a man say "If you paint a picture thinking 'what will this look like in the gallery'" you're missing the point." And for some reason beyond my understanding that resonated with me, because there was some creative force inside that could not be silent, needed to be expressed, and that expression was who I was. I knew that I was an artist. As i grew by skills and abilities were strengthened and this gift was affirmed, until it was no longer just a gift. Just a skill. It was me. The very essence of the drawing was not simply a reflection, but a revelation so deep that it carried my very soul. I was my work and my work was me. There was no separation and it was within that that I found all purpose. All meaning in life. It was my identity.
And still, I grew. In wisdom, in ability, in praise I was received for who I perceived I was. I couldn't imagine doing anything different. Could see myself walking in a different life or light, This was my lime light, my stage. The place where I shined like the stars and it was that which I was called. In all my glory I displayed who I was for all to see and they loved me. Then the curtain call. As the critiques drew their pens and made slashes to the page, my soul became the target of the endless ridicule game, and all I was expected to say was "ouch?"
So small reaction for the tearing of one's soul. As one stabbing my chest, to rip out my heart. Hold it in their hands as it is still beating....beating....and they throw it on the ground to make their point.
I am worthless.
What is that precious piece of work you called art? My soul...my life...my everything....Displayed for the world to see just to be destroyed.
Yet here I am....Still alive....barely breathing as all that I ever thought I was has been put to death and now waiting to be revived. Oh death where is your sting? Wouldn't it be sweeter if you would just come to me. Draw your sword and put to death the rest of my being, because what I thought I was is gone and here I am still standing.
So I stand, In shock and awe, trying to grasp the concept that there is so much more to me than I ever thought. I am more.
My gifts. My calling ripped away. I'm still here.
Surprise.
I am strong. I am a woman. I am in process. And sometimes. yes, sometimes I am weak, but that will not make me defeated. I am a warrior. I am a fighter. But more than anything, I am a child, called out. chosen. adopted. Those are things that can never be defined through a calling or a skill-set. Likewise, never taken away by the proclamation of whoever thinks they're in authority at the time. And if I were to paint a picture of who I am it would display the glory of my Father who rescued me from the pit. I am alive. No one can change that. That man who said that thing about a picture hanging in a gallery. He was right, because I am so much more than a exhibit to be on display to entertain. I am an expression of divine love, and my art is an expression of me. I am an artist, and in that I reflect all the Father has made me, his beautiful child, creating in his image as he made me.
And still, I grew. In wisdom, in ability, in praise I was received for who I perceived I was. I couldn't imagine doing anything different. Could see myself walking in a different life or light, This was my lime light, my stage. The place where I shined like the stars and it was that which I was called. In all my glory I displayed who I was for all to see and they loved me. Then the curtain call. As the critiques drew their pens and made slashes to the page, my soul became the target of the endless ridicule game, and all I was expected to say was "ouch?"
So small reaction for the tearing of one's soul. As one stabbing my chest, to rip out my heart. Hold it in their hands as it is still beating....beating....and they throw it on the ground to make their point.
I am worthless.
What is that precious piece of work you called art? My soul...my life...my everything....Displayed for the world to see just to be destroyed.
Yet here I am....Still alive....barely breathing as all that I ever thought I was has been put to death and now waiting to be revived. Oh death where is your sting? Wouldn't it be sweeter if you would just come to me. Draw your sword and put to death the rest of my being, because what I thought I was is gone and here I am still standing.
So I stand, In shock and awe, trying to grasp the concept that there is so much more to me than I ever thought. I am more.
My gifts. My calling ripped away. I'm still here.
Surprise.
I am strong. I am a woman. I am in process. And sometimes. yes, sometimes I am weak, but that will not make me defeated. I am a warrior. I am a fighter. But more than anything, I am a child, called out. chosen. adopted. Those are things that can never be defined through a calling or a skill-set. Likewise, never taken away by the proclamation of whoever thinks they're in authority at the time. And if I were to paint a picture of who I am it would display the glory of my Father who rescued me from the pit. I am alive. No one can change that. That man who said that thing about a picture hanging in a gallery. He was right, because I am so much more than a exhibit to be on display to entertain. I am an expression of divine love, and my art is an expression of me. I am an artist, and in that I reflect all the Father has made me, his beautiful child, creating in his image as he made me.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
When life gives you lemons, make a face scrub
So I've been doing some reading on things good for your face and skin, and lemons are one of the things I found are beneficial! So today I made a lemon-sugar face scrub and WOW! Softest my face has been since birth. What did I do?
1Tbsp Sugar
1 Slice Lemon
Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.
Seriously, try it.
And for a little fun, here are 10 fun facts I found on the World Wide Web about the benefits of lemons for your skin:
1. Heal Acne and remove black heads
2. Lighten dark spots and blemishes
3. Help prevent oily skin
4. Soothe chapped lips
5. Natural skin cleanser
6. Helps remove scars
7. Exfoliates
8. Moisturizes
9. Fights Wrinkles
10. Helps fight skin cancer
1Tbsp Sugar
1 Slice Lemon
Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Seriously, try it.
And for a little fun, here are 10 fun facts I found on the World Wide Web about the benefits of lemons for your skin:
1. Heal Acne and remove black heads
2. Lighten dark spots and blemishes
3. Help prevent oily skin
4. Soothe chapped lips
5. Natural skin cleanser
6. Helps remove scars
7. Exfoliates
8. Moisturizes
9. Fights Wrinkles
10. Helps fight skin cancer
Friday, November 8, 2013
Farmer's Market Muffins
So Wednesday I went to the farmers market with my roomies! Best investment yet. Apart of my skin cleansing, I know I need to start eating with intentionality. Being mindful. I'm so good at simply eating off the food shelf. However, if I want to care for myself, my body, and my well being, I'm recognizing, being intentional is key. Therefore I went to the farmers market and came home with enough food to maybe not have to shop for the rest of the month. Carrots (lots of carrots). Pumpkin. Kale. Collards. pomegranate. All for under $5. That's what I call a deal. Plus I got some inspiration for imagination. I deciding to make some muffins that could make my skin glow, a boost of nutrition, and tastiness for my tummy. I took these to a community event and they were a hit! Love it when that happens. Enjoy!
Farmer's Market Muffins
1 Cup pumpkin puree (can pumpkin works as well)
1/4 cup almond milk
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup oatmeal
2 tsp baking soda
3 medium shredded carrots
2 small apples shredded
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease regular-size muffin tins
2. In bowl, mix pumpkin, milk, and spices. Add flours, oats, sugar, and baking soda. Stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in carrots and apples. Divide batter evenly among cups.
3. Bake 20-25 min or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove from tins immediately and let cool. Best served warm. (Who doesn't love a warm muffin?)
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Living in the Presence
Sometimes I just sit and ask myself, "What am I doing with my life." I feeling like I'm just on this earth, chilling. Nothing special. For the first time in my life, I don't have a direction. I don't have a focus. I have no dream or vision!
There. I said it, and maybe now that it is out in the open it will become a little more okay. However, with this directionless, I find myself floundering. Desiring purpose. I crave it, and find myself tempted to chase after every passing thing. Desiring more. To have more. Do more. Be More. My lack of zest has lead to lack of zeal and this lack of zeal leads to insecurity...fear....anxiety...loss of identity.
Seeking identity. Realizing I have been stripped down, bare bone and soul, I realize that so many things I have found purpose in. So many things I have made my essence. My being. but in the end what were they? All passing...a chasing after the wind....And I'm shaken to the foundation. Clinging, I loose sight of who i am, and whose I am. Comparing, I grow anxious and back away, hiding from relationship...I talk my self down, not wanting to appear full of pride...desiring significance i gossip and use sarcasm. Classic. Pushing people down in order to make myself feel better about myself. Like a child.
What makes a woman? Where is that security found? In the quiet confidence that results in the ability to enter in to relationship. Walk in the knowledge off who I am and what I have to offer. To be strong enough to encourage and embrace, needing to hold nothing back. Where does this come from?
I see it. It's what I want. And when I stop and listen I know the beginning. It's in the living. In the consistent knowledge of knowing I'm never alone. To live in the presence of the almighty. Seeking him first so that I may recognize his beauty in all. To see myself as he sees me, that I may look at others through his lens as well. To know I belong, because I've been giving a room in my Father's mansion. To walk humbly in my giftings, and exercise in my calling, because it is what I was made to do. To have the conviction of my identity as a daughter of the king that I may raise us those, especially those that have nothing to give in return.
So often I run around my day, hearing, but not listening. aware, but not acknowledging the presence of the living God that abides with me. However, if I miss the source of all things, how can i bear fruit for his glory. I keep on praying for purpose. for vision. maybe this is it, to simply decide to live each day for him, living in the mindfulness of his presence, that I may know my identity in him, and bear the fruit of his power.
Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit in me,
change me and make me new. may I be like you.
May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing to you Oh Lord my God
that I may dwell in your house forever. Amen.
There. I said it, and maybe now that it is out in the open it will become a little more okay. However, with this directionless, I find myself floundering. Desiring purpose. I crave it, and find myself tempted to chase after every passing thing. Desiring more. To have more. Do more. Be More. My lack of zest has lead to lack of zeal and this lack of zeal leads to insecurity...fear....anxiety...loss of identity.
Seeking identity. Realizing I have been stripped down, bare bone and soul, I realize that so many things I have found purpose in. So many things I have made my essence. My being. but in the end what were they? All passing...a chasing after the wind....And I'm shaken to the foundation. Clinging, I loose sight of who i am, and whose I am. Comparing, I grow anxious and back away, hiding from relationship...I talk my self down, not wanting to appear full of pride...desiring significance i gossip and use sarcasm. Classic. Pushing people down in order to make myself feel better about myself. Like a child.
What makes a woman? Where is that security found? In the quiet confidence that results in the ability to enter in to relationship. Walk in the knowledge off who I am and what I have to offer. To be strong enough to encourage and embrace, needing to hold nothing back. Where does this come from?
I see it. It's what I want. And when I stop and listen I know the beginning. It's in the living. In the consistent knowledge of knowing I'm never alone. To live in the presence of the almighty. Seeking him first so that I may recognize his beauty in all. To see myself as he sees me, that I may look at others through his lens as well. To know I belong, because I've been giving a room in my Father's mansion. To walk humbly in my giftings, and exercise in my calling, because it is what I was made to do. To have the conviction of my identity as a daughter of the king that I may raise us those, especially those that have nothing to give in return.
So often I run around my day, hearing, but not listening. aware, but not acknowledging the presence of the living God that abides with me. However, if I miss the source of all things, how can i bear fruit for his glory. I keep on praying for purpose. for vision. maybe this is it, to simply decide to live each day for him, living in the mindfulness of his presence, that I may know my identity in him, and bear the fruit of his power.
Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit in me,
change me and make me new. may I be like you.
May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing to you Oh Lord my God
that I may dwell in your house forever. Amen.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Naked and Afraid
Today I started a little bit of a journey. During November there is the classic celebration of beards, "No Shave November." It's the embracing of total manhood by the means of growing facial hair. It's the pride and joy of a man to have a furry face. But what about for the ladies? I mean, call me a feminist, but I think it's a little lame that us women can't have a celebration and liberation. I mean, I guess I could go the whole month without shaving my legs...but let's be real, I like furry knees as much as the man who's thinking about taking me out for coffee.
So for, me, I'm taking it back to my face with less focused on what I'm putting on, and more on what I'm taking off. "No make-up November"! In resonance with the Season of the Tree, I am going to embrace my natural beauty. Refusing to hide those circles under my eyes, or the lips I wish were fuller. I am who I am. A treasure.
However, beauty is more than skin deep, and so is a season of embracing every part of me. Exposing my many layers, as the tree looses its leaves, it's glory and lies bare before the elements. So I dare to let my entire being find freedom.
I am learning I am more than what I do. I am who I am. I am a being. Letting my walls fall down, the face fall off. The charade comes to an end as the lipstick fades and eyeliner rubs off. I see the sleep deprived eye lids and a half-beating heart. I see that I am everything and nothing all at once. I'm discovering what I am and what I'm not. Peeling back the layers, I discover intimacy with myself, and force myself to be content with what I am now, and look forward to the willing embrace I hope to find.
So for, me, I'm taking it back to my face with less focused on what I'm putting on, and more on what I'm taking off. "No make-up November"! In resonance with the Season of the Tree, I am going to embrace my natural beauty. Refusing to hide those circles under my eyes, or the lips I wish were fuller. I am who I am. A treasure.
However, beauty is more than skin deep, and so is a season of embracing every part of me. Exposing my many layers, as the tree looses its leaves, it's glory and lies bare before the elements. So I dare to let my entire being find freedom.
I am learning I am more than what I do. I am who I am. I am a being. Letting my walls fall down, the face fall off. The charade comes to an end as the lipstick fades and eyeliner rubs off. I see the sleep deprived eye lids and a half-beating heart. I see that I am everything and nothing all at once. I'm discovering what I am and what I'm not. Peeling back the layers, I discover intimacy with myself, and force myself to be content with what I am now, and look forward to the willing embrace I hope to find.